Dear Husband,
I genuinely appreciate that you put the children to bed. You understand that by 9pm, I have the patience of a bull at a rodeo. However, in my recollection, our children have never stayed in bed once they've been put there. And yet, every night you put them in bed and head down to your man cave as if you're thinking 'TONIGHT is the night they stay put and don't get up 100 times'. Your optimism is adorable!
Love, Your Wife.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I would have taken your word for it.....
Dear Daughter,
While I appreciate your attempts to eat vegetables, I would have taken your word for it that the celery had gone bad. Really.
Love, Mom
(If you can't quite make out the writing on the note, it says 'Barf')
Love, Mom
(If you can't quite make out the writing on the note, it says 'Barf')
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Weapon of Revenge?
Dear Son,
I admit that I was being obnoxious. I was dancing around the kitchen and singing while you were trying to play a video game. I also admit that, yes, it was probably my fault that your guy died when I whispered the lyrics in your ear and kissed you on the neck. However, that does not excuse using biological weapons to retaliate. Farts are not weapons of revenge!
Love Mom
I admit that I was being obnoxious. I was dancing around the kitchen and singing while you were trying to play a video game. I also admit that, yes, it was probably my fault that your guy died when I whispered the lyrics in your ear and kissed you on the neck. However, that does not excuse using biological weapons to retaliate. Farts are not weapons of revenge!
Love Mom
Monday, August 8, 2011
New Name....
Dear Children,
You have used up your daily allotment of the word "Mom". If you would desire my attention at any point during the rest of the day, you need to address me in the following way: "Dearest Mother, generous woman who gave me life, giver of all good things, maker of cookies, I humbly beseech you to grant me a few moments of your precious time and patience." Your 'Mom' allotment resets at midnight. I suggest you use it wisely tomorrow.
Love, Mom (I still get to use the word, so there!)
PS - Bowing and curtsying and unsolicited cleaning are also encouraged to earn my favor.
You have used up your daily allotment of the word "Mom". If you would desire my attention at any point during the rest of the day, you need to address me in the following way: "Dearest Mother, generous woman who gave me life, giver of all good things, maker of cookies, I humbly beseech you to grant me a few moments of your precious time and patience." Your 'Mom' allotment resets at midnight. I suggest you use it wisely tomorrow.
Love, Mom (I still get to use the word, so there!)
PS - Bowing and curtsying and unsolicited cleaning are also encouraged to earn my favor.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Evil Fighting Fashions...
Dear Daughter and BFF,
I applaud your desire to become superheros and purge the evil from the world. However, I have to caution you regarding your current design ideas regarding your crime fighting disguise. I recommend that you avoid wearing anything that may interfere with your ability to fight crime. In other words, you need to rethink the tube tops.
Love Mom
PS - Your brother is NOT evil. There should be no attempts to purge him. You have been warned.
I applaud your desire to become superheros and purge the evil from the world. However, I have to caution you regarding your current design ideas regarding your crime fighting disguise. I recommend that you avoid wearing anything that may interfere with your ability to fight crime. In other words, you need to rethink the tube tops.
Love Mom
PS - Your brother is NOT evil. There should be no attempts to purge him. You have been warned.
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